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Thursday, September 17, 2009

feeling so giddy...! sucks.
onli noe how to S n S... wat else can i do? am i doing not enough? i really do feel lik giving up. 10th mth? can i wait this long? olevel coming up. here i am slacking everyday. ytd bloody got gastric, cant even walk. today also! sucks man. then in sch tio taiji by LFS! but dm chew gd enof, stil care for me. i really lov ytd tt msg, very long did not rrecieved it ady. tot tt our bgr got hope n tot i can have true heart before 10th mth. holding tt glimpse of hope, but u diminished it in the end. is there still anyone who does still love me wif all her heart? if have, plx tell me, i wana giv all my heart to tt prson. owaz fell in love wif the person tt i truly lov, but true lov not recieved. n i owaz hurt e ppl who deeply lov me, but i cant do anything to prevent the hurt or to minimise it. wat is wrong wif my life? need pay $30 for drinking n $25.49 for library book. i still wana get ipod touch, guess wallet for her plus couple ring. most probably i'll onli buy it when she truely love me wif all her heart. feeling so insecure everyday, also afraid to fall in lov wif another gurl tt i shouldnt. why am i getting all emo? does crying help? does S-ing, whack walls, n doin my routine stuffs to minimise my hurt help? i really duno. i feel lik giving up everything, but chew pulled me up from the mouth of self-destruction. so lucky. got bloody gastric again. i hate her for always giving me hope n then pulverising it totally. i took lots of effort courage to pluck myself up from this hurt n it's not easy, but it's effortless to break it down. mr chew told me: "joel, persevere and it'll be a success for u". but how do i start? whenevr i'm bout to get ready, something will trip me over n i'm so afraid to fall agian tt i do not wish to stand any longer.
i noe u're born with a silver spoon, parents, relatives stuffing gifts or even wads of notes so tt u're able to enjoy n show off in the place of candies or pretty dolls lik wat other ppl hav. much to my dismay n others as well as u, i noe tt u've been hurt very deeply n ur happiness was short-lived. but wat bout me? i believe u're not worse off than me n here i am, appearing in front of u, being ur guardian angel, protecting u, trying my best to giv u the happiness u had before but u simply denied them, taking me for granted. u admitted them too, but did u do anything to minimise the hurt u did to me? i don think so. in front of ur friends, u literally trat me as if i'm the one who offended u n deserved to get reprimanded n accept insults from u, pushing all the blame n responsibility to me. think bout it. i do not even bear to scold u at all, but wat u onli noe is to roar at me n everything. seroiusly, i don deserve it. tt's wat i treat ppl n my big families, but i don anymore cause i noe the implications n it's very devastating!

joying: joel is mad! eu noe who did this to him?
ahhong: yeah! tat girl!!!
joel: nvm, as long as she's happy, i'm contented...

there's no free lunch in this world. i think i've decided not to hav dinner nor any meal if i can from nw on. i need to save money. besides tt, whenevr i'm hurt or angry, i'll get indulged on food n munchingon it n turn plump. but nw i wana turn slim as well as be the muscle man once ppl knew me about...

with loves, 5:27 PM




Canon In D - Canon In D

Fur Elise _ Beethoven - Beethoven

Winter Sonata OST